HomeEditorialTotally Biased OnePlus 5 review: We hate it*

Totally Biased OnePlus 5 review: We hate it*

There, I said it!

So the OnePlus 5 just came out, and the Media is going crazy after it. I still don’t get it. What’s the use? Who even cares about a young Chinese startup? Why shouldn’t I just buy an iPhone? Read to learn more about my hate relation with the OnePlus 5.

Firstly, it’s stupid to have a new phone already, when the OnePlus 3T is just 6 months old. We don’t want the latest and greatest, we just want the feeling. And who even checks if the phone is worth its value? If you cost more than $400, sorry, you have lost my attention. Who told you to invest in R&D and Marketing?

Starting with the specs, why does a phone have 8GB RAM? If Samsung and LG can do with 4GB on their flagships, so can you. Don’t increase our price unnecessarily. I don’t even keep more than 6 apps open at a time, and neither should you. You think you cool with more RAM than the market? The storage is

The storage is non expandable….. Why don’t you listen to us fans? Need a card slot so I can transfer stuff faster. 128GB is fast and cool, but this is more convenient. I don’t care if it’s slower and more prone to getting corrupt. UFS 2.1 is just mumbo jumbo. And why is there no USB 3.0 in the cable? Do you want us to use the internet to transfer files, or simply connect a cable? How archaic!

The performance was fine, but not faster than an iPhone or anything. Android sux. 6.9/10. The games opened so fast, that I don’t get time to sip my coffee during the loading screen. Is this a good user experience? I don’t think so….

The screen has a resolution of 1080p. Don’t even get me started. Who uses a 1080p display in 2017? I heard that Sony has some 4K panels on their phones. That’s what we need. More pixels means everything looks sharper, for instance, every day when I watch movies in VR through my phone. You think you are smarter than Samsung and LG, that they can give a 1440p panel and you can’t, just to save battery? If you can’t figure it out, then its your problem, not our. Why should we suffer? The aspect ratio is also so 2016…. 

The fingerprint scanner is also so fast, that I can’t even see my Lock screen. How am I supposed to check my notifications? And why is it on the bottom? It’s not like we use the app drawer or anything, that you are making us reach all the way to the bottom. There’s an alert slider which I feel is a blatant copy from iPhones, so it’s difficult to appreciate.

The design. Don’t even get me started. It’s great that you decided to put dual cameras on your phone, but figure out the design. There are SO MANY ways of placing 2 camera sensors on the back of a phone, and yet look aesthetically appealing. The camera app is also so weird, like it has features called Pro mode where I have to set everything myself. Who wants to take that effort? And I am pretty sure, with all my knowledge, that it is possible to have OIS on both the cameras. And the funky features don’t even work when I cover one of the cameras. How will I use the portrait mode and zoom? Maybe I will just get closer to the subject

I don’t like that they made a thinner phone for a small battery. If I am going to use a phone for 2 years, I won’t care about how nice it feels in the hand, because hands will get used to the bulky build. Sadly, that is not going to happen. Fast charging is no solution to small battery. I read on WhatsApp that Fast charging like Dash charge will cause your phone to explode. Isn’t it obvious though? So much current flowing so fast through that one thin cable? And there’s only 1 bottom firing speaker. They should have used a dual front firing stereo setup like the HTC’s from 2 years ago. And there is still a headphone jack. Seems like you don’t support innovation and progression of Technology.

The software itself is so dull and boring. It’s too simple to navigate through. Everything is correctly labelled and options are easy to find. You think we consumers are stupid to not be able to find them if they are deep inside? And why are there so many customisation options? Just decide one and give it to us.

Overall, this phone does nothing it set itself apart, and all it does is give us the best specs at a very cheap price. I’d rather spend 30,000INR more and get something like the S8.


In case you didn’t figure out yet, this is a parody review about the OnePlus 5 and how hard people are being on it. Personally, I love the OnePlus 5, and it is my new daily driver. Really enjoying it till now! Should I write more of such eye-opening articles?



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1 Comment

  1. Abominible Snowman
    July 29, 2017 at 8:27 AM

    Lololol awesome article. This belongs in the Onion